驚夢咋醒, 迷悟之間

Bill

......

These days I reflected on the whole incident again and again. I am kind of glad that the xxx store manager caught me red-handed this time. Honestly, this is not the first time I do shoplifting. I would not say I do this out of greed but more like I got a sense of satisfaction after I succeeded every time. It all started with a simple incident when I was four/ five. I remembered my mum brought me to a bread shop choosing bread but I forgot to return the tongs afterwards. My mum was like why you got the tongs in your hand after 5 mins walk from the shop but then we were in a hurry at that time so she brought the tongs home instead of returning them to the shop immediately. (I do not know what she did with the tongs afterwards tho.)

I do not know if the above incident affected me but when I was in my primary, I started to do shoplift. I only stole small items. Whenever I succeeded, I had a sense of superiority with a voice saying in my mind "those shopkeepers are idiots." I stopped doing that when I started my secondary. But then after I came out to work, from time to time when I was in stress, I would go to steal small items from stores. I very seldom did that as I really know it was a wrong act but I simply could not get rid of this habit.

Looking back, I am the real idiot and I am kind of lucky that this time when I caught red-handed the value of the item was only HK$xx. I was stupid enough not thinking of the consequence it would bring especially to my professional qualification and career path and not to mention how it would break the heart of those who loved me. I am not a person who like hiding things from others but this is one of the big secrets I hid all time. Except you, I do not know who I can share this with at the moment.

......

這是求助人今早寫給我的電郵, 是最近通訊的第16篇。她算是第二位向我坦白承認一向有偷竊習慣的人。我把店鋪名稱及所涉銀碼隱藏了, 以免無意中披露她的身分。這人有點傻, 用真姓名給我寫, 既是專業人士, 就有專業團體的會員名冊, 萬一遇上騙子, 用電郵內容來要脅、敲詐、勒索, 問你怎辦? 所以我多番呼籲, 叫人寫給我時不要披露太多個人資料, 就是這個原因。有些美女, 甚至附上玉照, 這真的使我不太高興。不是我嫌她們不達標準, 而是樣貌於我而言是totally irrelevant的考慮, 管她是母夜叉, 我只看案件性質, 而不看人種、國籍、職業和相貌的。早兩天就有位小姐強調自己是香港人, 言下之意, 她不是大陸人。殊不知寫給我的大陸尖子碩士生都起碼十幾廿個。如果幫不到的, 就算是九天玄女下凡也無辦法。也是早幾天, 有位說自己上庭那天就會21歲了的女生, 以前有5次盜竊定罪, 這次怕得要死, 像問卜一樣寫給我, 我就不跟她客氣, bluntly put it, 你入去過聖誕喇。所以, 別以為我心腸軟, 我一向講事實, 愛憎分明。

上面那位專業人士, 為何對我坦白信任到這程度, 我估計是她真的希望解決自己的行為問題, 以免重蹈覆轍。對着個陌生人講, 好過對個密友講, 不幸遇到個兩面三刀, 是非當人情的朋友訴說, 到其時全世界(除了她自己)都知道, 那就慘了。QS醫生曾經問我, 有沒有叫這些人去求醫。我回覆這女士時, 也叫她一旦再有盜竊念頭, 一定要尋求專業治療。

我感覺到最近控方似乎收緊了酌情不予檢控的態度, 早兩天有被告申請獲批, 貨品只涉及50幾元, 第一堂卻不批准, 要押後多上一堂。另外我還有一宗涉及80多元的, 第一堂也不獲批, 押後了等再上庭由律政司考慮, 在香港時跟老友談起, 他也在最近做當值律師時遇到同樣情況。

如果律政司收緊了審批, 我不用應付客仔, 就可以清閒一點, 多看一些閒書了, 睡到半夜也不用頭痛咋醒了。